SVU: Daddy
by So Many Personnas
Summary: Elliot is divorced and Olivia is brutally raped, beaten and left to die...Elliot finds her and is confronted by his feelings for her, while she struggles through finding her rapist
1. Default Chapter

Discovery  
  
When 10:00 am rolled around and there was still no sign of Olivia Benson, Elliot Stabler was worried enough to start going crazy. He had called both of her phones ten times each in the past hour and there was no answer at either. He decided to go to her apartment to check on her. Craigen would just have to deal with his absence. Besides, Fin and Munch were around to take any pressing matters.  
  
He jumped into his car and started towards her apartment. He silently hoped that it was just a miscommunication, and that Olivia was fine, just taking a day off; but somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew it wasn't true. His thoughts were interrupted by his cell phone ringing. "Stabler."  
  
"Daddy, I need you to come pick me up."  
  
"Maureen, You drove to school this morning. What happened?"  
  
"I blacked out after gym. It was nothing really, I was just tired and I forgot to eat breakfast this morning. I'm really fine but the nurse wants me to go to a doctor."  
  
"Well why can't you call…" He broke off, just then remembering that Kathy had served him with divorce papers only the weekend before, then called from Hawaii were she was with her "new boyfriend" to speak to "her" kids. They had had a lively argument at the end of which Kat had hung up on him, not once speaking to either of the kids, though all four of them were hanging on every word that Elliot was saying. "Alright, Maureen," he said, pulling himself out of his painful thoughts, "but your gonna have to give me about an hour. I have to check on someone at work." He pulled into Olivia's apartment complex.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Daddy. I'll talk her into letting me go back to class. I don't need to miss Calculus anyway."   
  
"Maureen, are you sure?"  
  
"Yes, Daddy. Positive. Bye."  
  
"Maureen if you need to be picked up, I will come get you."  
  
"I know, Daddy." He heard the click as she hung up the phone at school. He almost heard her persuading the school nurse to let her go back to class. "She'd make a good lawyer someday," he said to himself as he stepped into the elevator. He rode it up to the fifth floor. As he rose, his anxiety level rose with it. If Olivia was ever late, she called to tell him. Even if she didn't call, she was always within reach. She had made extra sure of that, he knew, since he had called her Saturday night, confused about the legal papers he held in his hands, that stated that he was now a "free man." Even if she didn't answer immediately, she always called back within half an hour. The elevator stopped, momentarily releasing his stomach from it's nausea; but it returned as he stopped in front of Olivia's door.  
  
He knocked three times and got no answer. By now his heart was pounding. He called her name, yelled it, and there was still no response. In his panic, he almost knocked the door down, and then remembered the key that she had given him when they were first partnered. He had never had a reason to use it before now. Thankfully, it was still on his key chain. He cautiously unlocked and open the front door. "Olivia? Are you here?" He closed the door behind him and went through the small apartment. He could count the number of times he'd ever been here on one hand in the entire four years of their partnership. He stopped in front of her bedroom door and knocked, "Livia? Are you in there?" When he got no reply, he opened the door. His stomach turned flips at the scene before him. Blood was everywhere. The carpet, the walls, dressers, everything was covered. And her bed. The acrid smell of blood clogged his nose as he ran to the side of her bed. "Oh my God. Son of a… Olivia?" he gently picked up her head and placed it in his lap. "Liv? Hey, Olivia, wake up. That's right, c'mon. Stay with me." He watched her eyes flutter open. She inhaled and attempted to speak, "El, My…he had….my….eyes…Elliot."   
  
"Shhh, it's alright. Don't speak. Its gonna be okay." He dialed 911 from his cell phone. His mouth worked automatically, telling the operator where he was, what happened, and what he needed. He stroked Olivia's hair, hoping to calm her, or himself, he wasn't quite sure. As he hung up the cell phone his eyes strayed to the wall above her headboard. Written in blood was a message, "Like Mother, Like Daughter." He shook his head in disgust, wondering what kind of sick bastard would do this, and how in hell's name did he know about Olivia's mother. He looked down at Olivia, who was still struggling to breathe. "Hey c'mon. Stay with me." She nodded as he felt her breathing become even more labored. "Hold on, Liv. They're coming." He didn't hear sirens. Her grip on his coat slackened as her breathing quit altogether.   
  
"Shit! No! don't do this!" He put her on the floor and started CPR, hoping to get her breathing again. "c'mon, Olivia. Damnit!! Breathe!!!" He finally heard sirens approaching. "Thank god! Liv, just hang in there."   
  
The EMTs burst into the room. "She's not breathing, hasn't been for about 2-4 minutes. I'm following you to the hospital." Elliot informed the one who seemed to be in the lead. He nodded as they lifted Olivia onto the stretcher. They immediately started pumping oxygen into her lungs. They lifted the stretcher and carried it between them to the elevator, Elliot following like an anxious puppy dog.  
  
He followed behind the ambulance, thinking about how he was going to tell Craigen the news. Olivia was one of their best detectives in the SVU; Craigen would want blood. "Not as much as I want, though. Don't let me see him face to face, god, please, I wouldn't want to kill him." He dialed the phone, and listened as Craigen answered, "Craigen."  
  
"It's Stabler, there's a um, uh, a new case. One that needs immediate attention."  
  
"How do you know? You should be at the station."  
  
"I was worried about Olivia. So I, uh," Craigen interrupted him not giving Elliot a chance to break the news, "Have you seen her? Where is she?"  
  
"On her way to the hospital."  
  
"Why, what happened? Is she ok?"  
  
"Just send Fin and Munch to her apartment. A few extra detectives too; it's kinda hard to see past the blood."  
  
"Son of a bitch. Is she all right? Can she tell you what happened? Has she?"  
  
"No, I don't think she'll be able to for a while. I gotta go, I'll call you when I find out." He hung up and concentrated on the ambulance in front of him. He spoke, to himself and to Olivia, "She'll make it. You're too strong to die; you can't give in to him. We need you to find this bastard. Oh God, please, Liv just hold on."  
  
He wasn't aware of the tears trailing down his face. 


	2. Diagnosis

Author's note: Sorry for the delay in update....things have been pretty hellified in my part of the country...for example, my entire life...but anyway, I'm posting now, and I will keep it up now that I'm finally on a roll, no more long delays [Hopefully ;(.]...Hope you enjoy and thanxx for being patient!!!~Brandi   
  
Diagnosis  
  
  
  
Elliot silently paced the ER waiting room, waiting for a nameless and faceless doctor to tell him things about Olivia that he didn't want to hear. He was worried about her, scared for her. He had seen the blood in the room, knew that her chances of survival where slim to none, and that if she somehow did manage to live she'd never be the same. He heard a phone ringing and pulling himself out of the fog he'd been in since that morning he realized that it was his cell phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"It's Cragen. How is she?"  
  
"I don't know, Captain. They haven't brought her out of the OR yet." Elliot heard the fear and uncertainty hin his own voice; he knew it came loud and clear over the phone lines to Cragen.  
  
"Elliot, she's a fighter, she's been through a lot to get where she is now, and she won't give it up easily. Olivia won't give up. To be honest, I don't think she can."  
  
"I know, Captain."  
  
"Even though you aren't part of the investigation, we will still keep you updated. Fin and Munch are at her apartment. They said –"  
  
"I don't want to hear anything about it. I can't. Not until she's awake, and coherent" Out of the corner of his eye he saw a doctor hesitantly approach him, "I gotta go. I'll all you as soon as I get news." He hung up the phone and turned to the doctor, who was appraising him silently.  
  
"You're here with Olivia Benson?"  
  
Elliot nodded silently, anticipating the worst news, "How is she?"  
  
"She'll be a lot better after blood transfusions. She isn't breathing on her own, she's on a respirator." The doctor stopped, trying to read by Elliot's face how close he was to her, and how much he needed to know, and how exactly he should break the news.  
  
"What else, doctor?"  
  
He hesitated, then continued, "She wasn't breathing when she came in, so immediately after she got out of the OR our neurosurgeons hooked her up to some brainwave machines."He stopped again, hesitant to finish his diagnosis.  
  
"Well? What-what is it?" Elliot dug his nails into the palm of his hands, not wanting to hear it, but at the same time morbidly curious about his partner's brain waves, and what was wrong with them.  
  
"She isn't fully brain dead. There is decreased activity, but in any case like this, any brain activity is good."  
  
"Okay, What does that mean in the long run?"  
  
"It means short to long term amnesia? She may never be the same again" [if it isn't realistic, and you know that for sure, then please e-mail me and tell me, but bear with me, I don't know much..lol]   
  
Elliot filed that information away, preparing to react to it as a friend later, right now four year as a SVU detective was screaming at him to ask the next question, "Did you have time to get a rape kit done?"  
  
The doctor gaped at him in disbelief, "Maybe you didn't understand me, She wasn't breathing when she came in here. We weren't told that this was a rape. And even if we were told, we would've been more focused on keeping her alive. She's in room 2113 on the ICU floor if you want to visit her. Fifth floor." He walked off, shaking his head and muttering.  
  
Elliot glanced at his watch. 4:15, the kids were probably at home waiting for him. He heard the cheerful ringing of his cell phone and cursed it under his breath, he really didn't feel like talking to anybody. He looked at the caller ID and saw Kathy's number flashing. "Damnit, least of all you." He answered the phone, "Hello?"  
  
"I'm at the house, getting the kids packed up. They're staying with me for the next week. I have a strange feeling that they'll be safer with me." Her matter-of-fact tone threw Elliot over the edge. His rage at his confused emotions towards both Kathy and Olivia bubbled over and Kathy just happened to be the unfortunate recipient of the rage that she caused. He had the presence of mind, however, to walk outdoors where he wouldn't upset the anxious families in the waiting room, "Like you really care, Kathy!?!?!?! You weren't worried about leaving them with me when you hopped that plane to Hawaii with teen that somehow passes himself off as a 21 year-old!!! You wouldn't even talk to them!!! They wanted to hear your voice, to make sure that you at least still loved THEM!!! When you divorced me, you divorced them. Are you just coming now to impress your new damn boyfriend?!?!?! Let me talk to Maureen!!!"  
  
"Elliot..."  
  
"NOW!!!"He heard scuffling on the other end of the line and used the time to calm himself. He didn't want to scare his oldest child.  
  
"Hi Daddy."  
  
"Maureen! You guys are ok?"  
  
" Yes, Daddy. Your boss met me at the house. Told me where you were and what had happened. You stay where you are. We'll be alright with her. I'll make sure of it!"  
  
Elliot didn't answer immediately, not wanting to give in to Kathy's demands, "Okay Maureen. Call me if anything goes wrong. ANYTHING, Maureen."  
  
"Okay. You wanna talk to her again?"  
  
"No Sweetie. I'll talk to you later.  
  
"Okay, Daddy, I'll tell everyone you said hi and bye. Love You."  
  
"I love you too. Bye." Elliot hung up the phone and headed into the building, heading straight towards the elevators. Eventually he would go home to shower, change his clothes, and to call Cragen to thank him for talking to Maureen. But right now he needed to see for himself that Olivia was still alive. To see her at least somewhat peaceful before she awoke to reclaim her life, if she could. And the pain and sorrow that went along with it.  
  
AN: Ok, ok. I'm not sure if I like how I did this, so after I finish this thread of ideas (or whatever the heck it is that I'm doing) look for something like an alternate ending or story of something of the kind to kinda show a different story.   
  
Actually the ending is gonna be the same I'm just changing the middle....or something like that...I'm confused. Thanxx for the patience and the reviews...:):):):):):):):):) I especially want to thank Solo Tiger for reading even though she has no idea what she's reading....Love ya Chick!!!  
  
~Brandi 


	3. Awakening

Awakening  
  
She felt the heat of the sunlight on the back of her eyelids and with this heat came the pain, roaring through her body. Everything hurt. She realized that it wasn't her making her lungs inhale and exhale. Instinct caused her to fight whatever it was. She started choking. Involuntarily her eyes shot open looking around frantically for help. A man that she knew she was supposed to know was there, holing her hand, "Olivia, it's ok. Just relax. Let it breathe for you. She didn't know why, but she trusted him. Maybe it was his voice, maybe it was the way he was stroking her hair and holding her hand, or maybe it was just the fact that there was no one else there for her. She followed his advice and relaxed, letting the mechanical rhythm take over her body.  
She looked around the room, hoping to see something, anything, that would put her confusion to rest. She searched her mind for something to clue her in on what had happened, where she was, hell, who she was for that matter. She opened her mouth, trying to talk, but all she felt was the tiny respirator tube down her throat. She was helpless. She locked eyes with the man that was sitting beside her, still holding her hand. She hoped that his eyes, his face, something about him would cause a flicker of memory. But nothing came.  
She heard the door open and she struggled in vain to sit up. More strangers walked in, surrounded her. She felt closed in, claustrophobic, like all the air in the little plastic tube winding its way down her throat was going to be cut off. She heard a loud beeping over her shoulder. The man that had been sitting beside her jumped up, started stroking her hair again, "Dammit! Casey, get a doctor!"  
A tall, slim redhead, the only woman in the group of four that walked in, rushed out. The man spoke again, his comments faced back to her. "Olivia, it's okay." She nodded, still unsure about the other three men in the room. A black man with his hair slicked back in a ponytail holder, an older white man with slightly graying hair at his temples, and another older man, kinda chubby, but a respectable man. The beeping back over her shoulder slowed down, she guessed that it was her heart monitor, considering that she had stopped hearing her heartbeat in her head. He spoke to her again, "Liv, do you remember anything? About what happened? Hell, about us for that matter? Us?" He gestured to the other men standing around.  
Olivia shook her head no, only just now understanding and remembering her own first name. She knew that she knew these people, all of them. Even the redhead that was just now coming back into the room with a man in a white lab coat. It was on the tip of her tongue. There was just something holding the memories back. The doctor came toward her, coming between her and Mr. Hand. She felt her hand drop and immediately felt self-conscious. Her heart started speeding up again. She wanted to feel the warmth and security that Mr. Hand brought. The doctor toward over her. Something about this didn't feel right, something was wrong, the last time someone was towering over her like this, something terrible happened. She heard the heart monitor speed up again, felt the water of her unconsciousness rise like a wave to swallow her. She fought, tried hard to keep it from taking her. She felt her body disagree with the respirator's rhythm all over again. She wasn't getting air, wasn't getting anything. The wave came again to engulf her and she let it, knowing that she wouldn't let her drown her, and needing to escape reality.  
  
***  
  
The next time she came to, the first thing she noticed was a rawness in her throat, and the fact that her lungs were moving to her own rhythm. The respirator had been removed. It was dark outside, but not dark enough for her to believe that it was very late. She turned her head, and saw that Mr. Hand was still there, dozing on a chair. He wasn't holding her hand, but the chair was pulled as close as it could be without it being on top of her. She wondered if it would be rude to wake him up, then decided that he must want to talk to her, he had been sitting by her bed for god only knows how long. "Hey!" she was surprised to hear her hushed voice. Apparently, so was he. He jumped a mile before realizing that it was she who spoke.  
"Livia? Hey, how are you feeling?"  
She looked into his eyes, and saw the warmth within them. However they knew each other, she hoped it wasn't by blood. The look in his eyes was pure love, and in sure as hell wasn't brotherly. She took a second to wonder if he knew about what was revealed in his eyes, then decided that if he didn't know, it was n't for her to tell him, "I'd feel a lot better if I could think of you as anything other than 'Mr. Hand'." He chuckled then glanced down, where his hand had once again grabbed her's and was laying on the bed. She continued, "I know that I should know who you are, I just don't know how, or who, or-well-much of anything."  
He nodded, his eyes clouded slightly by disappointment, "Elliot Stabler, we, huh, we worked together."  
She nodded, remembering a little more, now that she had some information to search with, "Elliot, okay, you have kids, I wanna say four, right?" She broke off, looking to him for a reply, when he nodded she continued, buoyed by her success, "We worked together as-wait-don't tell me- as detectives! Those people that where here earlier, they worked with us, right?!" She wanted to continue, memories were snowballing now, they kept coming, faster and faster. Names, however, and the event that must've put her in the hospital, continued to elude her.  
She slowly sat up, refusing Elliot's help, and after a few awkward and painful moments, she succeeded. "What day is it?" She asked, continuing to search her memory for the names of the mysterious coworkers.  
"Saturday. What else do you remember, Liv?"  
"Sorry to say it, but nothing about what put me in here. What did put me here?"  
Elliot blinked. Olivia gathered that he hadn't been prepared for her to ask that question so soon. But he answered he, and she saw that it wasn't easy for him to tell her.  
"You----Um----You were raped. Then he beat you, badly. Very badly." He was avoiding her eyes, but she didn't notice. She was lost in her own thoughts.  
"That's why I can't remember anything. What is it, amnesia?" Elliot nodded, still avoiding her eyes. "Anything else? Any other important news?" She knew that it was wrong to take her anger out on Elliot. He probably hadn't left her side since she had been in the hospital. But there wasn't anyone else around and she was in pain.  
Elliot reached for her hand but she pushed it away, not sure if she wanted to be touched, not sure if she could hold herself together if she was. She didn't want the tears to fall, but she wasn't sure if she could hold them in. She closed her eyes and silently counted to three, hoping that the relaxing action would comfort her. When she opened them she felt the tears falling, she knew that she wouldn't be able to hold in the storm hiding behind her eyes.  
She erupted with emotion and in a second she felt the side of the bed dip, and Elliot's arms around her, holding her. For the first time since she woke up she felt truly safe, so she relaxed and let herself fall into his arms. And sensing what she needed, he tightened his grip. She cried for herself, and for the memories that she didn't have. 


	4. Revelations

Author's note: I wan to thank Trinity [your name changes to often to put your penname up here] and CharmedHobbit for reviewing at least one of my stories even though you think I already have too many! :):):):):) And to everyone else whose read and reviewed, thanx for taking the time out to check out my stuff and to tell me whatcha think. I owe you all!!!  
  
Revelations  
  
Olivia struggled to remember the dream that had woken her up. All that she could manage was the darkness, the pressure around her; and the fear. It had conquered all other feelings both in the dream and now that she was awake.  
She turned the bedside lamp on, then turned on the TV, not to watch, but just to hear the comfort of hearing something other than her own breathing; still ragged from the dream. She absently picked at the intravenous needle that was still imbedded in the back of her hand. She had been awake for about a month, but she was still in the hospital due to panic attacks that would leave her not able to breathe, and the fact that she couldn't keep any solid food down; hence the increasingly annoying needle.  
Her memory had slowly but surely come back, all except for that one elusive memory about her attack. She dreamt about it every night, but had yet to remember the details of one of the terrifying dreams.  
She jumped when the night nurse opened the door. The nurse smiled an apology then entered the room, holding up a thermometer and a blood pressure gage. Olivia sighed then waved her in, grateful for once that it wasn't the more talkative daytime nurse. She didn't want to hear anything, save the overzealous TV infomercials . She glanced over the nurse arm at the digital clock beside her bed. The red numbers read 6:57.She was somewhat proud of herself. It was the longest that she had been able to sleep since she had been in the hospital.  
The door creaked open again and she looked up to see Elliot in the doorway. The nurse also looked up and frowned at Elliot, "Visiting hours don't start until 8:00."  
Elliot flashed his badge at the young lady, and she grateful for not having to enforce the rules, went busily back to updating Olivia's chart. As soon as the nurse left Elliot made himself comfortable in the chair beside Olivia and looked up at the TV, "I hear that those come in neon colors now."  
Olivia looked at Elliot, and could tell that he was worried about her lack of sleep, but he didn't ask her about the demons that hunted her dreams, and she was glad that he didn't. He understood that she would tell him when she was ready. She followed his line of vision up to see George Foreman avidly spouting information about his new and improved grill.  
They sat in silence for a while, She grateful for his presence and he wondering how he was going to start a conversation that would eventually lead to what was keeping her up at night. She saved him the anxiety, "I've been---uh---dreaming about what-happened." Her voice was low, barely audible over the cheerful TV announcer. Elliot leaned forward, not sure as to what to do. He watch her pick at the IV needle, a habit she picked up here, usually when she was nervous or bored; but he had never seen her concentrate so hard on it.  
He realized a second later that she was concentrating on it to keep her from crying. He gently pulled her hand away and held it in his, trying to catch her eye, "Livia, it's ok, you can cry."  
Her eyes, a lighter chocolate than he was used to due to tears, met his, "It's not! I'm not like this! I hate being like this! I'm helpless and I can't help them catch the man that did this to me! I can't eat, I can't sleep, Damnit, there are times when I can't breathe because I'm scared he's gonna come back for me! I hate being scared! I hate letting him control my life like this!" She broke off in sobs, collapsing into Elliot's arms. He moved from the chair to the side of the bed, and shifted Olivia into what he hoped was a more comfortable position.  
She wasn't crying out of sadness, he knew. Her tears were from anger and frustration, and there was nothing that he could do for her. He was having a hard time dealing with his own frustration. Fin and Munch were getting no where. There was no physical evidence in the apartment, without a rape kit there was no way to get any information off of Liv.  
He felt her body stop shaking with sobs as she slowly sat up, wiping tears off of her face. "You feel any better?"  
She nodded slowly, " I just want it to be over, you know? Want my life to be normal again."  
"Do you remember anything about the dreams?" He had to ask, the question had been burning at him for to long to hold it in.  
"No! I don't remember anything!" Her voice elevated in a new wave of anger.  
"Liv. Calm down, it's ok. Close your eyes and calm down." She followed his instructions and seconds later her eyes, bright with sudden remembrance, shot open, "My eyes! Elliot he had my eyes! Same color, shape, size, everything! Oh my God! What if." She didn't finish the thought, but she didn't have to for him to understand what she was implying. He flashed back to the apartment, the message above the bed. Olivia's rapist had to be the same person who raped her mother over 30 years ago.  
  
Author's note: It may be a minute before I post again, so please bear with me.I'm not sure how to get where I'm gonna go from here...but while I'm trying to figure this out if anyone is also into the Matrix, check that story out that I'm gonna post soon [yeah yeah...shameless in the media area...lol].Thanx for the patience and the reviews!!! ~Brandi 


	5. Break

Okay I have Dickie's Character portrayed a lot younger than he actually is, I think. I really don't know anything about Elliot's kids ages. Somebody, please enlighten me! But for now, Dickie is about 4. In this fanfic....Also, sorry that's it's taken me so long to update. I really am sorry but things got really bad for me a while ago, but I'm back and better and all other kinds of Optimistic stuff. Lol ~Brandi  
  
Breaks   
  
Fin picked up the ringing on his desk, "Yeah?" He heard a indistinct murmuring on the other side of the line, "You're gonna have to speak up. I can't hear you."  
  
"I saw him" The voice was louder now. More clear. It was the voice of a young girl. Fin motioned to Munch, told him silently to pick up the house.  
  
"Saw who? What's your name?" Fin questioned. He heard the hesitation before the girl answered, "Tiana. You saw my mom a while ago about Livia's..." She stopped, not sure how to finish.  
  
"Okay Tiana. Who did you see?" Fin was getting impatient, this could be the lead that they had been looking for. A scared child.  
  
"She's gonna hurt me."  
  
Fin raised his eyebrows at Munch at this statement, "Who's gonna hurt you, Tiana? Where are you at?" Hesitation floated over the line, "Tell me where you are, Tiana. I promise that I won't let anything or anyone hurt you."  
  
"5th and Broadway. I'm on a payphone." He reassured her again that nobody would hurt her and to stay where she was then he hung up the phone. He ran to Cragen's office and poked his head in the door. "Payphone on 5th and Broadway. A young girl who has some information on Olivia's case. Me and Munch are on it."  
  
"Call Benson. She's a detective and has a right to know what's going on in her case."  
  
"She's been calling asking about it, hasn't she?" Munch said, peering in over Fin's shoulder.  
  
"Every hour on the hour. She's worried about it."  
  
"Understandable." Munch said. Cragen gave them the okay and the two detectives drove off to pick up their first lead on the case since it happened.  
  
**************************************************************************************  
  
Olivia checked her bag for about the millionth time, anxiously waiting for Elliot. The doctor had been in earlier that morning, giving her release paper to sign and last minute instructions on her still healing wounds. She knew even as she was listening to him that she was going to have to call back later for the instructions again. The thought being out in the real world was too enticing for her to pay attention to the doctors droning voice. She ran a hand through her ultra shaggy hair and realized that one of the first things to do would be to get a haircut.  
  
"Just then Elliot walked in with what appeared to be a monkey hanging around his neck. The monkey turned slightly and through the little face hole Olivia recognized Elliot's one and only son, "Hey Dickie!"  
  
She shot a questioning look at Elliot and he shrugged, "He said he wanted to wear his Halloween costume from last year."  
  
"Very nice. You let him?"  
  
"It seems perfectly reasonable. He hasn't been feeling good and the thought cheered him up."  
  
Olivia nodded then jumped slightly when the bedside table started ringing, "Hello?"  
  
Munch's voice rang in, "Just thought you'd like to know that we might finally have a lead."  
  
Olivia's heart rose into her throat, "Really?"  
  
"Yeah, a little girl who apparently lives down the hall from you."  
  
At this prodding another spurt of memory blossomed in her brain, "Tiana."  
  
"How'd you know?"  
  
"I'd see her sitting outside her apartment sometimes when I got home form work. Sometimes we talked."  
  
"Okay, I'll talk to you later."  
  
"Okay, but call Elliot's cell phone. They are releasing me know."  
  
"Ahhh. Congrats."  
  
"Thanks, Munch." She hung up and looked out the window, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. Elliot must've sensed it because he grabbed her hand and squeezed it slightly, "Let's get out of here." She nodded, anxious to be out of the building.  
  
**************************************************************************************  
  
Fin looked at the child that sat across from him in the interrogation room. She was a beautiful 7 or 8 year old girl whose face showed that those years had been close to hell for her. Scars abounded on it, and Fin could only imagine what other parts of her slight body looked like. But now wasn't the time to pursue that. Getting information from this child would be a bit like a novice dentist pulling teeth. Every time the door to the room opened or Fin made a move, she jumped a mile.  
  
"Is she ok?" Tiana asked, looking steadily at the table between them.  
  
"Olivia?" Tiana nodded yes at his question. "Yes, she's okay. You like her don't you?"  
  
Tiana nodded, "She always talks to me when she sees me. She's nice. I can't believe that-"  
  
"You can help her by telling me what you saw, Tiana."  
  
She continued looking at the table, "I was outside in the hallway. A guy ran out of her apartment, he had blood all over him. I didn't know what to do. I- I- I couldn't go into my apartment -"  
  
"Why, Tiana?"  
  
"I just couldn't. I looked out the hallway window and saw a red truck drive away. Then I wet to the elevator and saw this on the floor." She took a card out of her pocket and handed it over to Fin. He looked at it and saw a business card for a place called, Slappy Joe's, most likely a Strip club. This was the first solid lead that they had in over a month of investigation.  
  
"Thank you, Tiana. You've helped us a lot today. Is there anybody that you want us to call to pick you up. We can..." The fear in the little girl's eyes caused him to stop, "What's the matter?"  
  
"Please don't call Mommy! She'll be so mad. Call me a pig. Then Tommy will..." She broke off, scared that she had already said too much.  
  
"Ok, so we won't tell her. But we need someplace to take you for a while, and we need to get a statement from you." The girl continued staring at her twitching fingers. "Alright, can you tell me who Tommy is?" At this Tiana burst out crying. Fin looked at the one-way mirror, looking for some kind of help. The door opened and in stepped Olivia Benson herself. She crossed to the young girl and started comforting her. She glanced at Fin over the girl's head and her got the message. He stormed out of the room and into the main room before he saw Elliot standing at his desk, watching Dickie play on it. As soon as he saw Elliot he laid into him, "What the hell is she doing here?! Does Captain know that she's here?!"  
  
Hearing his name, Cragen stuck his head out of the office door and looked at Fin, as the rest of the room was doing, and asked, "Do I know what?"  
  
Fin pulled Elliot towards the office, "He brought Benson here!" He started as soon as he had closed the door, "She just got out of the damn hospital and she's here..." Cragen held up his hand to stop Fin's onslaught of words. He then motioned for Elliot to explain himself.  
  
"She said she wouldn't be able to relax knowing about all of the work that she had to do when she got back. All that she really knows how to do is work, and how am I supposed to tell her not to do that? Some people are better off working after something like that."  
  
Cragen took a second to think then spoke, "Fin, this is a special case. Normally we wouldn't want a victim hanging around here, but Benson is a detective and you have to trust that she knows what's best for herself. If she feels better at work than at home then let her go. But Elliot, I don't want her anywhere near her own case. She is not to help investigation at all. As far as her being here, however, I trust her to make her own judgements if she feels up to being her, let her go. But I don't, DO NOT, want her working her own case, understand?" The two men nodded in silence and started to leave. Cragen called Elliot back and waited until fin had closed the door behind him to start, "Elliot, I know that there is something between you and your partner. Something more than just a relationship. I'm not going to say forget it because I think she needs someone right now, and that you two would probably just ignore it anyway. But before it starts, I'm going to cut it off now. Whatever your relationship is with her, keep it out of my precinct."  
  
Elliot nodded, then got up again to leave. Cragen called his name again, "Take care of her, Elliot. Make sure she doesn't bury herself or what happened. She's gonna have to deal with it, make sure that she knows that. And that we're here, all of us."  
  
Elliot nodded again, touched at the humanity that his usually tough boss was showing towards Olivia. He went outside and waited for his partner to come out of the interrogation room with Tiana, and steadily thought of a way to show her that he cared. 


	6. Memory

WARNING: There is a pretty visual depiction of what happened to Olivia, so if you're squeamish, skip the dream part.  
  
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!! ~Brandi  
  
Olivia sat beside Elliot in the car. The silence was awkward, only occasionally broken by Dickie in the backseat playing. Olivia opened her mouth to break the silence, then she shut it again. She hated lying to Elliot, and he would only ask her the one thing that she was hesitant to talk to him about. Tiana had told her everything that she had seen. Most important, Olivia had been able to get the child to tell her what had been written on the business card. Elliot had already told her about Cragen's decree, restricting her from so much as looking at her case file until it was closed. But her investigation would be private. If all went well, the NYPD would never even know that she was involved. She wanted to get this bastard back herself. More for her mother then for herself.  
"Liv." She was startled out of her thoughts by Elliot's hand on her arm and his voice, "Cragen's right, Liv. You need to stay away from your case."  
She nodded, not surprised that he suspected something.  
"Liv, Promise me that you'll stay away from it. Please!"  
"Elliot," She started in a voice barley above a whisper, "All my life I've lived with the knowledge that he was never caught. That he was allowed to do to other women what he did to my mother. This time, he did it to me, and the chance to catch him is right here. So close to me that I can feel it. I really do wish that I can promise you that I'll stay away. And I'll try. But I'm used to finding these people. And this time it's personal, Elliot."  
He nodded, "Okay, I understand. But finding him, doing whatever you want to do to him. Is it worth losing your badge? Is worth that? Because that's what's gonna happen."  
She stayed silent.  
"Come on, Olivia! Everything you've ever known!" He sighed at her lack of response, "Well, at least promise me that you'll call me before you do anything."  
She remained silent, hating herself and at the same time knowing that what she was doing was necessary. She honestly didn't know what was going to happen when she found him. The thought of actually finding him was too far out of her grasp.  
Elliot put the car into park on the street beside Olivia's apartment building, "Are you sure you're going to be okay here alone?"  
"Yeah, the landlord switched me to a ground floor apartment and got some guys to move my stuff downstairs. I'll be fine, El."  
"Are you coming to work tomorrow?"  
"No. I don't think so." Elliot nodded, then started to get out to walk her to her door, "It's okay. I'll try to call you tonight." He nodded, and Olivia watched as he drove away. She then went into her new apartment and started unpacking the boxes that were unceremoniously put together.  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
Olivia woke suddenly and sat up, not quite sure where she was. Then she remembered that she wasn't in the hospital anymore. She glanced at her alarm clock and saw that it was already after midnight. She flipped on the lamp and settled back into her bed, pulling her blanket up around her neck. She struggled to remember the dream that she instinctively knew was about her rape. Instead she fell into a light sleep.  
  
~~~~~A noise jolted her out of sleep. Steps on the fire escape outside of her apartment. She remembered that she had left it open. Adrenaline woke her up fully as she sat up and pulled her blanket tighter around her, as if it could protect her. It was too dark for her to see anything so she reached over to turn on the lamp. Hearing footsteps outside of her room she forgot about the lamp and reached for her gun. Her fingers had barely grazed the metal when the door opened and caused her body to freeze. Whomever it was slapped the gun away from her hands, "Don't do that, Olivia, that wouldn't be very nice at all." A hand roughly pushed her back down into a laying position and clamped down over her mouth. His deep voice rang again in her ears, "If you scream, Olivia Benson, I swear I'll kill you. Please don't tempt me." He took his hand away from her mouth and she kept silent, already knowing what was going to happen, and praying that something would stop it. He kept a tight grip on her hands. Her body momentarily unfroze and she tried to fight him, hoping that something, anything, would help her and make him stop. He pulled himself on top of her and she felt his hardness press into her thigh. He let go of her hands just long enough to push down their pants. She felt his hot breath on her neck.  
He thrust into her hard. She bit her tongue in an effort to keep from crying out. He kept going, pushing into her harder and harder, moaning as he reached his climax. He bit into her shoulder, and again she had to fight to keep from crying out. She felt him jerking her body along to follow his as he climbed higher and higher. Olivia felt hot tears flow down her face as he started kissing her neck, continuing to thrust himself into her. She heard herself whimper, begging him to stop.  
Finally he was through. He stopped moving and relaxed his hold on her wrists. She felt circulation slowly move through them. He stayed on top of her, breathing deeply, his sweaty head resting on her chest. She tried to move her arms but he immediately tightened his grip, "Don't move, Bitch." They lay there, him catching his breath and her still crying silently.  
What felt to her like an hour later, he got off of her. He sat down on the side of the bed and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. She remained immobile.  
"You really are beautiful, Olivia. It's a shame." He got up and left the room.  
Olivia rolled over onto her side and pulled the blanket up around her, believing that it was finally over. Then she heard footsteps outside of her door again. She fumbled around on the night stand again for her gun, but it was too late, he had her hands again. He wasn't there to rape her again, however. He was there to make sure she never told the story. She was conscious for the first five times that the knife entered her abdomen. Watching as the blood, her blood, spurted over him. Then she blacked out, relishing the peace that the darkness brought with it.~~~~~  
  
Olivia woke again, finally remembering what had happened. And wishing desperately that she hadn't. The new memory caused her to know that she had made the right decision in not promising Elliot anything. She knew exactly what she was going to do. Life was too much of a blessing for him. She settled down again, and for the first time in a month and a half, she was able to sleep without dreaming.  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
Olivia had just finished taking to the owner of Slappy Joe's Strip club. The owner of the red truck was named Andrew Johansen. And the owner also mentioned a condemned building just outside of Manhattan where Andrew liked to hang out on his off time. She started the car and decided that she should call Elliot. He trusted her not to do anything stupid, and she knew that he honestly did care for her. Maybe more than she was ready for.  
He impatiently answered the phone, "What?!"  
"1842 Westchester, just outside of Manhattan. I'll see you there."  
"Olivia, don't . . . " She hung up as he was telling her not to do anything. She didn't want his voice irking her conscious and she didn't want to hear any more warnings about the Morris Commission taking away her badge. Hell, after she did this, she wouldn't need her badge anymore. 


	7. Confrontation

A.N.: I wrote this long before I wrote anything after Revelations ( as a matter of fact, I wrote the very beginning of this before I wrote the real beginning) so if anything doesn't go together then I am extremely, extremely sorry, but I can't be picky about what my Muse gives me. LOL! ~Brandi  
  
Confrontation.  
  
Olivia opened the door to the old building; her gun up and ready. She didn't need any noise to know that he was there. She had her gut feeling. He was in there somewhere, she was just as sure of that as if he had come to the door and greeted her.  
As she silently crept through the building, she fought a losing battle to keep her breath light and steady. Waves of nausea rushed through her throat, causing her to nearly choke to keep from dry-heaving. She heard her breath, ragged and coming in short gasps. She tried to calm down; told herself that she was the most dangerous person in the building. That he was just another perp. But he wasn't. He was her perp.  
She shook her head and cleared her mind, trying to focus on her surroundings. She heard a noise to her left and quickly pivoted in that direction.  
"Show yourself! Come out!" Olivia was surprised to hear how steady her voice was, considering how much her hands were shaking.  
"Are you scared, Detective Benson?" The deep voice sent chills down her spine, "You don't have to tell me. I can feel it. It comes off you in waves. You reek of it!" The voice was moving around her. Circles. She turned, her gun in shaking in her hands.  
"Shut up! You don't have any power over me!" Olivia shouted, wanting him to come out. And wishing that she wasn't lying.  
"Liar! I have all the power, Olivia. You know it. Why else would your hand be shaking so much that you can barely hold your gun?"  
She looked down the barrel and saw that he was telling the truth. The gun was jerking back and forth violently. She felt his hand land gently on her shoulder, his fingers digging into it. More than anything she wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt her. As much as he had hurt her mother, but her muscles were frozen. The nausea kept rising.  
"See Olivia? I control you. You want to hurt me. Kill me even. But you can't. My voice, just my voice, sends chills of fear down your spine." His low voice lowered even more, down to a whisper, His lips barely grazing her ear, "I can still feel it, Olivia. You're fear."  
As he spoke, his hand traced the line of her spine through her shirt. Her rage at his audacity left her hands trembling, and freed her body from its momentary paralyzation. She twisted around and used her shoulder to push him down to his knees. She turned to face him and held her gun to his forehead.  
"Move and I swear on my mother's grave that it will be the last mistake you'll ever make." She was glad to see his eyes glazed over in fear. She could almost feel his mind going a hundred miles an hour hoping to talk her out of pulling the trigger; whether to go with intimidating her, or simply begging for his life.  
He opened his mouth to start speaking. But everything, all her life, all the hurt she felt for her mother, for herself, for the other victims who couldn't do anything for themselves. The rage at all of the perps she had put away, the rage at the ones she couldn't. It all boiled down to that one second. That one moment of indecision. His voice continued to grate on her nerves. She clenched her teeth, "Shut up."  
He blanched in fear, and looked up at her. His eyes, so much like hers, were filled with fear. Olivia heard a car door slam, and her name being called, but she didn't care. It was as if she was in another dimension. The gun was steady. She had her self-confidence back. 'Whoever said revenge didn't work, obviously didn't do it right.' She thought to herself.  
"How does it feel? To be at the mercy of one of your victims? To have her hold the power of life and death? Are you scared, Andrew?" She spoke quickly, knowing that time was running out. She had to make him understand what he had done.  
The troops arrived. Olivia heard Elliot's voice as though through a fog, "Olivia, honey. This isn't the way to make everything right. Put the gun down."  
She saw Andrew's eyes lighten, once again cocky, believing that she wouldn't kill him now. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction. She couldn't.  
"Olivia! Please, honey. Put the gun down. This isn't right. Livia?"  
Andrew snickered, just loud enough for Olivia to hear him, "That's right, my dearest, darlingest daughter. It isn't right. You can't be like me." He whispered, just loud enough for her to hear. Olivia was fed up.  
  
A shot rang out, loud and clear in the empty building.  
  
She lowered her gun, Then dropped it at Andrew's feet. Andrew looked up at her, then glanced at the hole in the floor between his legs; still smoking from the bullet. He looked back up at her, a mixture of fear and confusion clouding his eyes.  
"You're right. I'm not like you. I'm nothing like you. I never will be." She felt Elliot's presence behind her, and she quickly turned and fell into it, tears running down her face. He embraced her and led her outside while Fin and a uniform cautiously approached the man, who was still on his knees, staring at the gun. As they read him his rights, he looked at Fin, "She's right. She's not like me. She never could be."  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
Olivia tightened her coat around her against the chill outside. She looked down at the grave she was standing in front of and let herself cry. She read the name engraved on the headstone and made a promise, "Her middle name. Her middle name is going to be Serena. I promise Mom"  
She stood there for another few minutes, enjoying the silence and the cold air on her face. She was startled by Elliot's arm circling her waist, "Are you okay, Liv?"  
She sighed, not ready to answer him, not sure how to. Elliot took her silence as a no, "Olivia, it's over now. He's in jail, and he's going to stay there for a long time. You know that."  
She nodded, "I remember a fight that we got into one night, when I was about 16," She continued to look at the grave, "I came home one night from a party at about 1:00, hell, it might've even been 2:00. And she was drunk. At the time I didn't put one and one together and figure that she had been drinking because she was worried about me, I just thought that she had broken her promise to me. And we fought. Long and hard about it. I was selfish. I told her that I hated her. And that she could go to hell. She just looked a me and started crying. And she told me that I didn't understand what she went through when she decided to have me, when she had decided to keep me. The mixture of love and hate that she felt when she looked at me sometimes. The fact that more than anything in the world she wished that the hate wasn't there. That she could love me unconditionally like any normal mother. Then she told me that she prayed every night that I never would. That I would never understand it. And then she hugged me. After all of that, hours of yelling and screaming at each other, she hugged me. And I was still mad at her. I was too young and stupid to understand what she had just told me. The importance of it. It stuck with me, though. I've always remembered that argument." She turned around and looked at Elliot, tears clouding her brown eyes,  
"And now, I understand it. What she told me. And it's too late to tell her. I understand everything. The indecision, the questions. And she's not here for me to ask her. And I hate her for that." Olivia was all out sobbing now, and leaning into Elliot's embrace for a comfort that he couldn't provide, "But I love her because she cared. She loved me. More than anything in the world, she loved me." She stayed in his arms for a few more seconds then pulled away, and looked at him in the eyes.  
"I don't want to be alone, Elliot. I can't be like her. She died alone because she was scared of being hurt. She didn't want to admit to needing anyone. But I'm admitting it. I need someone. I need you." She fell back into his arms, sobbing again. Her voice was muffled both by her closeness to him and her tears, "He got me pregnant, Elliot. And I don't know what to do."  
Elliot continued to hold her, his cheek on her head, not knowing what to say, and hoping that the closeness was enough for her now. Then he pulled her away from him, but kept his hands on her shoulders, "I promise you that you will never be alone. And that I won't hurt you. I swear to that. I don't know what to do either, honey. But we'll figure it out. Together. We'll figure it out." He pulled her back to him, and watched as the sun set in the horizon. He promised again to her, this time the closeness of their bodies accenting it, "Together."  
  
The end...Maybe a continuation... 


End file.
